That’s Show Biz, Baby!
When life gets wild, my husband and I always turn towards each other and say “That’s show biz, baby!” So it was only natural that Weston’s entry into the world would encompass that same energy. It was a wild ride, one that happened 17 days earlier than expected, but hey… That’s show biz, baby!
He came barreling into the world on Nov 3rd, a Friday morning at 6:57 am after four hours of active labor- in which at the time I wasn’t even sure that I was actually in labor.
I felt like maybe these were Braxton Hicks. At 2:30am I logged into my work computer and cancelled my appointments for the next day saying “I think I might be in labor, so to be safe I need to cancel your appointment, I’m sorry for the inconvenience!”
Just over four hours later our little man was here.
I envisioned a water birth. The tub would be set up in the bedroom…lights dimmed… and my husband rubbing my shoulders as I did my Hypnobirth breathing through each contraction. The diffuser running, filling the room with the calming smell of lavender.
Instead what unfolded was pure chaos. I made an uncertain 5am phone call to my doula and midwife… unsure if this was actually happening. To be safe, they decided to come over. And to everyone’s surprise, it was showtime. My contractions were now a minute apart lasting a minute long.
Up until this point I didn’t really have a lot of pain or consistency. Even when my contractions were a minute apart they were uncomfortable but not horribly painful. My menstrual cramps are 1000x worse than labor contractions – shout out to all my Endometriosis girlies, I see you.
When my midwife arrived at 6:07am everything became a blur. While my team was examining me, Trevor was running around trying to get the birthing tub set up in time. But things were happening way too fast. I was fully dilated and ready to go.
Trevor was in the laundry room trying to hook up the hose for the birthing tub to the waterlines when all of the sudden the midwife yells “Trevor, get in here!”. A few seconds later, with me standing in the kitchen – Weston was born into this world. Talk about a dramatic entry.
When I tell you labor doesn’t hurt, it really doesn’t (well, if you’re an Endo girlie it probably won’t hurt). But the actual birthing your child feels as if you are actively being ripped in two. I mean that quite literally. It was the most excruciating pain one can ever imagine, and I’m no stranger to pain.
My team helped me into bed and I laid there, wrapped in blankets with my baby in my arms.
I was depleted and exhausted beyond words. I had been up for 24 hours at this point, having worked a full day on Thursday, was up all night with what I thought were Braxton hicks, and then Bam- I’m full on having a baby in the kitchen. If that’s not a lesson in life, I don’t know what is. My aunt once said to me “Make plans, God laughs”. Life is going to unfold exactly as it should, which may look totally different than how you planned it.
Weston is so sweet, gentle and calm. He’s got his dad’s temperament, thank God. He is my absolute heart and soul.
Shock doesn’t begin to describe our birth experience. One minute it’s just you, the next you’re a full on mom and a new family of 3 having to navigate the waters of what’s to come. With that, I have never been more in love with my husband than I have been in the three weeks since having our son.
Being so early, Weston had a couple things to overcome. We have the most amazing team and I could not be more grateful. One day I’ll go into detail about his obstacles and the steps we took to overcome them, but for now I’m holding gratitude in my heart and leaning heavy on God and our village. With that said, I have the most amazing parents, friends and neighbors who have mastered the balance of supporting me without overwhelming me, a fragile line I’ve been struggling with postpartum, reaching out to tell me they love me knowing I don’t have the capacity to respond, or leaving items at my doorstep like postpartum supplies and food. This is why they say it takes a village, and Weston has the best village in the world.
Two friends told me two statements which will shape my future forever:
- “Your heart now lives outside your body.” This is the truest statement I’ve ever heard.
- “You birthed a new version of you the same day you birthed your son.” I can’t wait to meet her once these postpartum hormones subside, I hear she’s a badass with a hell of a birth story.
It all sounds so woo-woo until you’re here, until you’ve done it. For all of those who are too afraid that having a child would take away from your life instead of expand it, I get it. I was there. Now it feels so silly to think I ever thought that.
I can’t wait for the rest of life. To do life as this amazing family of 3. To take him to Disney for the first time, watch as he sifts for gemstones in the NC mountain creeks, goes apple picking and tries his first apple cider donut, sees his first snow fall and watch his excitement as he looks up at the Rockefeller tree in NYC during the holidays- life is going to be so much bigger and wilder because he’s in it. And that, my friends….That’s show biz, baby.
*To everyone who has reached out, please know I’m so grateful for you. I have not been available via phone or text and will not be for some time. It’s not personal, it’s just what I need to do at the moment to protect my mental health during this fragile time while I navigate through postpartum adjustments.
With much love,